Evil Overcome–a poem written 9/11/01

In remembrance of the 2700+ lives lost this day 10 years ago, I am posting a poem I wrote that day.  I know this poem was posted on a wall by the fallen towers, amidst hundreds of flyers looking for missing people. The day today begins as lovely as that 9/11/01:, which ended so tragically.  C

Evil Overcome

Our world shattered today,

hijacked planes smashing into the World Trade Center and the Pentagon,

moments of destruction

that destroyed thousands of lives

families

hopes

dreams

and stole our freedom

while we watched,

in horror and awe

as the terror became unimaginable.

 

Suddenly explosions,

horrendous fires,

collapse,

the gray ash and debris flew through the city

covering all in a sick, sordid snowfall.

 

The explosions that rocked New York and DC,

have shattered the core of my being,

my heart twisted and aching

like the steel beams

now lying in a crater in NYC.

 

We hear your cries in Chicago,

they reach us all through the day

and nights

our unknown brothers and sisters,

American families all

and our tears fall with you,

our prayers for you,

our arms and hearts reach around you in comfort

in hope,

Can you feel them in the breeze?

 

We have the guilt of being alive,

We will never forget.

 

We are hopeful.

We are frightened.

We are angry and appalled.

 

Families destroyed,

our liberties in hiding,

we are emerging as a nation to fight as One,

to rebuild the cities

the families

the freedom

and our peace.

 

Blogging 2010 in review

WordPress stats for 2010–enlightening.  Confirms that people come to the site with key words. I’d like to see a little more activity in 2011.  some stats for you… C

The stats helper monkeys at WordPress.com mulled over how this blog did in 2010, and here’s a high level summary of its overall blog health:

Healthy blog!

The Blog-Health-o-Meter™ reads Fresher than ever.

Crunchy numbers

Featured image

A Boeing 747-400 passenger jet can hold 416 passengers. This blog was viewed about 2,700 times in 2010. That’s about 6 full 747s.

 

In 2010, there were 40 new posts, growing the total archive of this blog to 191 posts. There were 40 pictures uploaded, taking up a total of 84mb. That’s about 3 pictures per month.

The busiest day of the year was January 17th with 47 views. The most popular post that day was Recipe for a Most Excellent Holiday.

Where did they come from?

The top referring sites in 2010 were linkedin.com, facebook.com, 1000awesomethings.com, my.yahoo.com, and en.wordpress.com.

Some visitors came searching, mostly for palm trees, haveanopinion, palm tree, miami palm trees, and row of books.

Attractions in 2010

These are the posts and pages that got the most views in 2010.

1

Recipe for a Most Excellent Holiday April 2008
3 comments

2

About April 2008
3 comments

3

Weekend Getaway #1 July 2008

4

Micro list of Awesome Things September 2008

5

Politicians Playground March 2010
4 comments

Blog?

Stop blogging?  Or stop this blog and start a “fake” one that will draw people with its gossip or false beliefs or outrageous thoughts or crazy ideas that will draw the numbers?  Or continue this blog and begin a second, secret blog and let others find it? hiding the author of the new and seeing if/how/what it draws?  or give it up for twitter?  and how addicting would that be?

so many options, but so little time to answer the questions or write in the blog.

Does it matter? and does anyone care?  but me?  or as a writing relief for me, is that enough?? The need to express might be the reason why to continue. C

Writing Exercise #3: Flash and Feathers

the exercise: http://scrawlers.com/ This is a website that posts 100 word stories.  Write one.  Submit it to the site, if you wish. (note: I did post this to Scrawlers a few days after posting, as they were having technical troubles)

The Story:

13-year old Zach gazed at the knight’s costume in disdain.  Spandex? Silver?  He grimaced as he tried it on, only performing in the play as a lost bet with his comrades. However, once the sleek outfit was on him, he unobtrusively regarded himself in the mirror.

Zach found he enjoyed the touch of silk, a little sparkle, the whoosh of a feather.  It became his secret fetish though school, secreting away scraps of shimmer, leather, fur  while he wore the requisite sports uniforms outside.  His talisman, he did not peacock his secret until his school days were passed.

C

Big Burls–Writing Exercise #2

The assignment: Pay attention to signs! Great inspiration can be found in signs, especially if part of the sign isn’t working. Among our favorite are “Roadlooms” (formerly Broadlooms) and “Lines ‘N Things” (formerly Linens ‘N Things). When you spot a sign you like, build a story around it!

My sign was Big Bowl (the restaurant), that was missing a couple letters.  It became Big B–L.  Enjoy this short story…

The digital red gas pump was screaming on my dashboard, bing-bing-bing! It had now begun its anxious blinking dance, an urgent reminder that there was only a miniscule amount of gas in the tank of my overused car.

“No, No, No!” I wailed at the gauge, futilely tapping it as if that would replenish the tank.  Damn, one more thing to go wrong in my week.

This highway stretch between Chicago and Iowa and beyond is flat and uninspiring in my mind, miles of monotony except for darkened barns and swaying corn tops, invisible towns, but seemingly no gas stations since I had noticed my tank running low.  Busy in my own mind, I did not pay attention to the dash lights in my view.

Swallowing my panic, I glanced up to see a turnoff on the road where a tiny cluster of buildings rose from the blackness, beckoning.  There were only two other cars waiting at the stoplight, when I turned to reach that tiny outpost of civilization.

Welcome to Willingham, pop 376, est. 1847 read the sign approaching the string of stores.  Buildings that looked as if they were built during the formation of this town formed a line of brick and mortar about two blocks long.  Even through the unlit windows, I could see from the signs that the town was working overtime to re-establish itself as some type of artsy destination.

Cruising slowly up the empty street I saw a vintage shop, candle and local artist shop, sundry store, cheese and wine store, two dining establishments, and a music shop in between buildings for rent or papered over or “Coming Soon!” in hopeful print on the dusty windows. No gas station. No motel in sight.

“Great choice,” I groaned.

The lone business open was on a corner, a forlorn neon sign—though a more welcoming red than my gas tank—in old-fashioned script reading “Big Burl” with an old-school martini glass under the name.

Did I dare go in? Did I have a choice?  My gas tank was empty, my stomach was churning, I was seeing double from driving for hours, and my bladder and legs were both begging to be relieved.

After coasting into the spot out front and extricating myself from the driver’s seat, I approached the door of Big Burls. From the outside, it looked like a bar from anywhere with its red brick façade, white paint on the trim, a few faded signs on the building for old stage shows and a missing cat fluttering in the breeze.

“I think I have been here, in another town, another state,” I mumbled to myself as I pulled open the heavy door.

Wow, the outside was deceivingly different from the inside of the bar, with swanky red booths, a glistening wooden bar with chrome bar stools, martini shakers lined atop glass shelving, music pulsing in the background. Small groups of people chatted with each other, but I felt them glance at me, the stranger.

After finding the restroom, I settled on a bar stool, an empty chair on either side of me.

“What’ll you have?” came the usual bartender greeting, from a blond girl likely only several years older than me.

“A glass of draft beer and a shot of whiskey,” I replied.  “Do you serve food here too?”

She pointed to a cooler window at the other end of the bar. “We don’t have a kitchen here.  You can get sandwiches and salads from there, made by the restaurant next door.”

After opening a mini sub sandwich and bag of chips, I voraciously began to eat.  I sipped my shot and beer, tension ebbing from my shoulders.

“What brings you through Willingham?” the bartender asked me.

“How did you know I wasn’t from here,” I asked her.

“We don’t get too many strangers coming through this late at night.” She smiled.

“Well,” I stumbled, “I was headed west and ran low on gas. This was the first town I came to.  Is there a gas station nearby?”

“Not open this late, I’m afraid.  There is one about 10 miles up the road that is open all night,” she replied.

“My car couldn’t make it that far.  Is there a motel here?” I asked.

“Sorry, you’re out of luck on that front too,” she said, shaking her head.

I sighed.  I could handle one night sleeping in the car.  This was my own stupid fault. What were my options? I wondered, while the blond, trim bartender poured some drinks for others.

“Who is Burl?” I asked her when she came back over to me. “Sorry, but you don’t look like a Burl.”

“Nope, I’m Sheila,” she replied. “Burl was my great grandmother. She ran a speakeasy in the back of this building in the 1920’s, during Prohibition.”

“Really?” I was intrigued. “A woman? Here?”

“Yep,” she smiled.” It was a family affair, since she was a widow.  There was a huge vat in the back where they made the beer.  Burl had her kids help, breaking the yeast cakes into the vat, then scraping the foam off the top of it when the beer was processing.  The kids also helped use a machine with a lever to bottle the beer.  They then sold beer and whiskey to the locals.  That’s how they were able to pay their bills and put food on the table.”

“Did she open this bar after Prohibition was over?” I asked.

“Yes, she had a bar here, but it didn’t look like this,” she replied.  “It fell into disrepair when my uncles ran it and closed.  My dad and I re-opened it about three years ago. We re-modeled but kept the original name.  There are some pictures of Burl on the wall over there.”

I carried my beer over to look at the pictures.  A small, compact woman with weathered face stared back at me, arms protectively around three teen-aged children. Another photo showed the same woman standing behind the bar, pouring beer from a draft.

I walked back to the bar and commented “Burl must not have been 5’2’” tall.  Why is the bar called Big Burl?”

Sheila smiled again. “She was a tough lady who had to raise her kids with no husband, while selling liquor illegally, keeping away demanding men and the police.  How many woman could have done that during that time?”

“True.  Did you ever know her?”

“Only as a small child.  I don’t really remember her.  But I have heard stories about her for years.  I’m glad we could re-open this bar in her memory.  She had a lot to do with the initial success of this town, and now it’s rebuilding.”

I pushed my glass away. ”I guess I better be going.  It’s getting late.  Mind if I freshen up in the restroom before I head to bed in my comfy car?”

“You’re going to sleep in your car?” Sheila asked.

“Yup.  It looks like I have to wait until morning to get gas for the car.  It’s empty, silly me,” I blushed, embarrassed.

“I sleep in the apartment upstairs.  You can sleep on my couch, if you want,” Sheila said.

“Oh!  I can’t impose on you like that,” I replied.

“It’s just me and my cat.  The company will be fun,” Sheila stated.

“You don’t even know me!” I exclaimed.

“There is another reason that Burl was known as Big Burl.  She had the biggest heart around.  She helped anyone in need—food, bed, a few comforting words, but no drinks for free—so I would be doing one more thing in her memory. She would be furious if she ever knew I let a girl in need sleep alone in her car,” she insisted.

“Oh, okay,” I replied and held out my hand. “My name is Gia. This is a little weird, but that sounds like a better offer than my car.”

Sheila shook my hand, then poured us another shot and a beer that we drank together.  The bar closed a short while later, and I helped her wipe down all the tables, clean the floor, and clean up the bottle and glasses.  We then headed upstairs to her tiny but funky decorated apartment, where I fell asleep in minutes.

As I got ready to head out the next morning, Sheila pointed up the road, “Oh, the closest gas station is just a mile up the road.  It’s open now.

Where are you headed anyways?”

“I’m going to Nebraska to see my sister.  She just had her second daughter. I just quit my job, so I’m going to help her out for a couple weeks.”

“Wow, she will love that.  You are doing something that Burl would have approved of, helping your sister out. What will you do when you’re visit is over?” Sheila asked.

I thought for a minute.  “I don’t know.  Maybe head back to Chicago. I hope to have some time to think about it while I’m gone.”

Sheila replied. “Make sure you swing back through here on your drive home. You can spend the night again, if you want. Burl would expect nothing less.”

I glanced at the shops starting to open, owners washing windows, greeting each other.   Everything looked brighter, more welcoming now that the sun was up.

“I promise I will,” I smiled.  “Maybe I’ll decide to stay longer.  Learn what else Burl’s legacy leaves behind, besides Big Burls. “

“Hope to see you again,” Sheila waved as I started the car.

“Me too,” I replied, a smile on my face as I began the next phase of my journey.

C

Rising Floodwaters: Writing Assignment #1

For the new year, my friend and I are going to attempt 2 writing assignments a month.  I hope to write other than that as well, but life has been increasingly busy at work.  Time for work, family, house and horses.  That’s about it these days.

Assignment #1: classic exercise: Begin with the line “I remember” (or “I don’t remember”), and write for fifteen minutes.  Here goes…

I remember the summer before college, when the non-ending rains flooded the banks of the lake and creek  two houses from us, first overtaking the grass then creeping across the streets, ignoring the needle-point rain that hammered our bodies as we packed and hauled sandbags around the cul-de-sac, snaking into our driveways then pouring in torrents into the basement.

Our family of six moved quickly before the water breached our home, moving items upstairs and in from the garage as fast as we could: TV, games, laundry, photos, shoes, sporting equipment, tables, lamps, a telephone, chairs.  My sister Sharon and my collections of foreign dolls and glass animals remained on their glass covered shelves, watching us helplessly.

Our neighbors were out of town, so when done with our home we went to their home and moved similar items up from their basement.  Tired, so tired, but when we walked home we realized the waters were not going to stop at the basement in our home.  They slowly cascaded to the first floor of our house, as we rushed to carry everything yet again up another level.  We grabbed more furniture, collectibles, kitchen items, winter coats from the first floor and filled the bedrooms so they looked like a grandmother’s forgotten attic.

When would the rain stop?  Would the floodwaters top our roof?

We simply could not stay in our home.  We could not pull the cars from the garage, as they were both three-quarters filled with water.  We filled plastic bags with clothing and important phone numbers. We forced our petrified cat into a pillow case, and put everything in laundry baskets on our heads. We then walked/swam up the street to our neighbor’s house, the waterby our home over my head.

At the M’s house, the force of the water was so strong that SLAM—it bent the metal door to their basement after hovering outside, gathering force.  Twisted steel, we were so lucky that no one was in their basement as the water poured in.  Water licked the top step of their stairs, but miraculously it did not enter their first floor—where several families now gathered.

Another neighbor Nancy R. , who lived on the lake, lamented that she would lose several fur coats on her first floor. My brother Dave and I gave one look at each other and volunteered to go move them upstairs.

“What?” my mom screeched. “You can’t go back out there.”

“Mom,” I replied “I can’t stay here and do nothing.  Dave and I will just swim back and move Nancy’s coats upstairs.”

“Besides,” Dave chimed in,” someone else might need help. We can’t just sit here.”

My dad knew we would not change our minds, so he reluctantly agreed to let us go.  We promised to be smart.

We swam back to Nancy’s house, unlocked the door and moved her valuable coats upstairs, the bottoms already soggy with water.  Our darkened house was the same, but we then heard the call “HELP! Someone please help us!”

The calls were coming from the neighbors whose backyard abutted ours, a tall wooden fence between them.  We quickly swam to the fence, trying to avoid debris and lawn furniture floating in the yard.  (ok—my 15 minutes are up here, but I’m going to finish my story…)

“What’s wrong?” Dave yelled into their yard.

“We can’t get out of our home,” the owner Mike replied.  “We have two small children and the water is too deep for us to take them up the street.”

“Give us a few minutes,” Dave called back.  “We’ll get a boat from Nancy R’s house.”

Nancy’s family always had a dingy tied up to the shore.  We swam quickly to the boat, and we were forced to dive down to the boat since it was underwater.  Dave, always the prepared one, had a knife so we could cut the rope that tied it down.  On the R’s patio we were able to flip the boat over, climb in, and we found two floating boards to use as paddles.

We paddled first to Mike’s house, and we put he and his family in the boat.  Dave and I then climbed in the water and pushed them to another friend’s house closer to the main road. On the road next to her we could actually see rescue vehicles driving.

As we were headed there, we heard another family calling for help up a tiny cul de sac.  We detoured slightly to tell them we would come back for them shortly.

Mrs. B opened her door, shocked.

“Can we bring some families here,” I asked.  “They can’t get out of their homes.  Your house is perfect, since cars can get by here.  Kind of like a mini- Red Cross station?”

“Sure,” Mrs. B. said, as they carried the children inside.

“Can we bring over a few more families?” Dave asked. “We heard at least one other family needs help.”

“Of course,” Mrs. B replied.

“Do you need them to bring food or anything else?” I asked.

“Some food would be great, so we don’t run out,” Mrs. B replied as we shoved off.

We first used our makeshift paddles to stop at the M house where our parents were, to let them know we were safe and what we were doing.

“Are you sure you aren’t tired or hungry or too cold?” my mom asked us.

Our adrenaline was slowing, and we could not imagine stopping now.  She might have made a quick sandwich, but I don’t remember eating anything.

We paddled the boat first to a house on the cul-de-sac and transported  the C. family with their two girls to the B house.  They did grab some clothes and a bag of snacks, fruit and large bottles of soda to contribute to the B. larder.  A neighbor two doors down from their house yelled to us.  They had a grandfather in their home on a ventilator.  They were already running on battery back up, and they were concerned about his health.

When we dropped the C. family off at the B. house,  someone had already gone to the main road and flagged down a police car, explaining that we were bringing people to the B. house.  Dave and I asked if there were any paramedics nearby, so we could take them to the house with the ventilated man.  In a short while, an ambulance slowly drove up and stopped on the main road. We offered to take them in our boat to the house, since they clearly could not drive up the street.

One of the three looked at me, as they piled equipment in the boat.

“Do you want me to swim, and you can ride in the boat?” he asked.

“I’m already soaking and my brother and I already have a system.  We can do this. Just climb in” I saucily replied. And he did.

Scared, Ventilator Man would NOT get in the boat no matter how much coaxing he was given.  The young couple who lived there ran out of reasons, as did the fireman.

“Do you want to die?” I finally asked him, exastperated, getting tired of treading water while holding onto the boat.  My sweater was soaked through and heavy.

“No,” he replied, shocked.

“Well then get in the boat.  Otherwise you won’t be able to breathe when your battery goes out.  Who knows when the electricity will be back on. You couldn’t be safer, with paramedics in the boat with you,” I stated. Only  a sassy high schooler could get away with that line of questioning.

He finally agreed, then gingerly climbed into the boat, ventilator and all.

After we dropped off the family, ventilator, food, and the paramedics at the B. house, Dave and I agreed it was time to head back to our family, at the M. house.

It was dark, cold, and still raining when we rowed up to the M. house.  Warm showers, dry clothes and full stomachs later, we were so happy that we had been able to help some people.  Pacing in that house would have been torture for Dave and me.

The next morning, the water started to recede, but still filled our lower level, and our lovely doll cases now face down in the muddy waters. The cars forever useless.

The cleanup is a story for another day: of strangers coming by to help, of the National Guard protecting our property from looters at night with no electricity, tables in the yard of food from the church and others, throwing out dumpsters of things, piles of garbage 8-10 feet tall in front of our home, crying while pulling apart destroyed photos in our shed to salvage a few childhood memories, shuttling around to different houses until our became liveable, wondering if my parents could still afford college for me.

And yes, this is a true story, though the actual conversations might not be accurate. C

Writer’s Block

Can you write a lyric? A song? A love letter? A pragraph? An essay? A sonnet? A children’s book? A short story? A heavy tome filled with audaciously elongated verbiage?  A Haiku?

What genre–science fiction? Rants? Chick lit?  Poetry? Anime? Biography?  How-to books of drivel? Mystery? Gore? Fantasy?

When we write, we have our patterns, our styles, our formats.  And when we try to break free from our comfortable mold the words halt, the rhythm disappears, the characters stagnate.

Can I write a book? Should I start it as a short story?  The people call my name, but their secrets remain hidden even from me.  I have the opening on paper, the ending in my brain, the middle parts muddled and confused.

Do I proceed?  Dare to let them live and breathe?  Or keep them locked away forever—because it is easier to return to the familiar structure?  If I create them, I have to confront them and what they do, not avoid their failures, their disappointments, their love, their joys.

The angst of any writer, a dreamer, an artist.  The creation. C

Julie & Julia & Friends & Dreams

Short notice, but five neighborhood friends went to see Julie & Julia this week. I loved the way the story was told, with two tales simultaneously developing, intertwined and funny and downtrodden and quirky.  We sputtered and laughed and hoped for success for both protagonists, as they followed their food-filled (and too meat-filled for me, sorry Patty who sat next to me) dreams.  The costumes and sets were perfection, and the film made me want to return to Paris NOW.

Meryl Streep was, as always, incredible with the lilting accents and mannerisms and movements that I remember from when my mother used to watch Julia Child on TV, when I was a child.  Debonaire Stanley Tucci was her husband, so in love and involved as she wrote and cooked and wrote and cooked and…  Amy Smart was funny and neurotic, a bit over the top at time, but sweet.

As much as I loved watching the story develop,  it made me sad.  The dreams  I once had, fading as life  moves forward and I am caught in the wave of time and children and mortgages and jobs and mopping the floors and and volunteer work and keeping on top of  the family schedule with military-like precision, until rain changes three practices, and aging families and friends in need.

How many people are staring at their screens after watching that film, trying to write their first blog searching for quick fame, with blank thoughts, no stories to tell?  And don’t realize how challenging it can be to write day after day?   How many other brilliant writers are out there penning away, unnoticed?  What makes a blog catch fire?  Sometimes it’s the real, sometimes it’s the fraud–like the woman who claimed to be pregnant, got all kinds of sponsors and uh-oh she wasn’t pregnant.  What? someone lied on the internet?

We would all love to come home to 65 phone messages like Julie, with offers and names and deals and opportunities to do work we dream about.  A smidgeon of extremely lucky people do what they love each day, not the masses.  We might live through them, while following our own paths.  Even as we grasp at our dream remnants we can only hope for the support system of spouse and friends from the film, cheering each zig-zag step forward.

In my mind, a successful film is one that makes me forget I am sitting in the dark–transporting me to become an invisible participant–gives me reason to feel true emotion while watching, to talk about it afterwards, and to make me think about the major and/or minor issues in it long after the screen is dark.  In all of these goals, Julie & Julia succeeded.   C

100 Posts and Counting

When I first began this blogging journey, I did not know where this odyssey would lead.  100 posts later (a surprising realization this morning),  the path has been like those I traverse with my dogs–well travelled at times, quiet at others, smooth, then bumpy, then twists with comments and direction from family, friends, strangers, authors, and others; sometimes happy-others frustrated or angry or bored, perhaps not consistent in tone but consistent in honesty.

I hope you will continue to join me on my quest, with words and poems and photos and laughs and tears, as I search through the grayness, searching for light and hope and wonder  and surpirse of the amazing simplicity and complexity around me.

I understand this blogging more than facebook, and welcome the comments of many, where people I never really knew don’t have to be my fake friends, but only have true thoughts–even as they disagree with me, no cyber-snubs here.

It only seems fitting to end with random but loved photos, taken by me. Happy post 101!

sleeping beach chairs

sleeping beach chairs

after hours

after hours

C

Unfinished Works

If you write words and no one reads them, are they invisible?

What happens when someone dies and leaves behind their dog-eared diaries or hidden porn or quarter-written stories or the oil painting  just being sketched or the guitar music with no lyrics or the poem with just one stanza?

Who will complete the thoughts, the art, the masterpiece, the garbage? Anyone?  Or will it remain in limbo, like a half-eaten meal, dishes on the table, food congealing and cold?

Our eyes might gloss over the work, not knowing the heart, the love, the angst, the hatred,  the hope, the fears that created the incomplete works.

Or someone might finger the papers and pick up a pencil and write, surroundings forgotten or  strum the notes while singing new lyrics, a collaboration unexpected.

Who knows?  And will the person gone care? or assist in the completion, unseen and unfelt?  C