Thankfulness Journal, Week 6 Lent

Almost finished with my thankfulness journal, for Lent.  This has been an interesting experience, some days far easier than others to come up with three things to be thankful for, some routine work days a stretch.  A couple friends have told me that me sharing this has helped them to become a little more aware of their lives.  I feel like that pays it forward a little bit.

3/28/12 I am thankful for

sea turtles.

Devon trying parasailing the first time, Tara going on an ATV expedition.

Parasailing in Riviera Maya

Boys making up games wherever they go.

3/29/12 I am thankful for

safe travels home with kids old enough to keep themselves occupied on two flights.

Unexpectedly running into friends in the Charlotte airport.

Fun friends, great memories made on the beach.

3/30/12 I am thankful

for how many errands we can get done in one day, with no work, school, or kid activities.

Most of our family really wanted to see—and enjoyed—“Hunger Games.”  Lots of discussion.

Sometimes popcorn for dinner is enough.

3/31/12 I am thankful

we FINALLY bought Tara new furniture.

For dinner out with Pam and Steve—no kids!—then catching up with Patti and Jason.

All the kids found a friend to hang with, to finish off break.

4/1/12 I am thankful

all three kids decided to clean up/throw out old junk and papers. Overflowing garbage bin.

Tara’s furniture fits great in Ronan’s room, transforming it to a teen room.

Devon finally gets to use the restored makeup table she has wanted in her room.

4/2/12 I am thankful for

Erin A. inviting Tara and I to hear her read her Irish dance memoir aloud at her school.  Such a sweet tale about these two friends that brought Tara to tears.

finding one final container of homemade tortilla soup made with last year’s tomatoes.  I could taste summer in each bite.

Plowing through most of my emails from vacation.

4/3/12 I am thankful for

dog kisses.

sharing my vacation photos.

Ronan’s frigid, windy first track meet actually ended before dark.

C

Week 2, Gratefulness Journal

Here is my Lenten Week 2 offering, three things I am thankful for each day.  Some days this is more challenging than others, but it’s making me notice the small things around me.  Here goes…

2/29/12 .  I am thankful

for iPhones. 4/5 of us now have them!

I saved that Snickers bar from the other day to finish today.

When I make a new healthy recipe and the pan is empty at the end of dinner!

3/1/12 I am thankful

Tara made varsity soccer at LZHS!!

Devon loved her volleyball season, despite their win record.

A family looks to be moving into the house next door, empty since last summer.

3/2/12 I am thankful

I had a few hours to start on the tax prep for the accountant.

For two hours home by myself, to watch whatever movie I choose.

Work colleagues have become friends.

3/3/12 I am thankful

Tara got accepted into National Honor Society!

For the beauty of snow.

Snow melts.

 3/4/12 I am thankful for

family dinners.

An evening with a fire, no tv, catching up.

Bob’s coaching season is over.  And Ronan got to play one game with Bob’s team this morning, before his own game.

 3/5/12  I am thankful

Bob got his 10 year all-clear from cancer!

For the first fat robin,  sitting outside my office window.

For the smell and taste of freshly-baked chocolate chip banana bread.

3/6/12 I am thankful

for 67 ° blue sky days in Chicago, the first week in March.  Sublime.

I live in a school district that shows the film “Race to Nowhere” to open dialogue with people in the community about our education system.

For homemade Asian spring rolls (by us).  Yum!

C

Changing Expectations

Over the past few months I have found myself changing my expectations for many people around me–my clients, my vendors, my friends, my kids, my spouse, my siblings.  I think we have some expectations ground into us when we are young, from what our parents taught us.  Then life experiences, a recession, and watching others around us moderates our long-term thoughts.

From work, I expect to slave many hours per day at my computer, on the phone, in meetings.  And for those extra hours I will get more demands from clients, tighter deadlines, project piling on until I learned to say NO!, an occasional thank you. Vendors are working harder to keep up with rapid technology changes, the same tight deadlines, and the new products reaching across departmental lines.

I have learned to lower my expectations of my children’s grades, especially when they are viewable daily online. A recent conversation made me realize I was striving for unattainable perfection in them.  I will accept the reality that my kids are putting in extra effort, some subjects are easier for them to comprehend, and some interest them more than others.

As they get old enough to choose their electives for next year, they need to select ones that interest them, so they can start to form their own future paths, with some open conversations about where that path might lead. Outside of school, I expect that they will make mistakes, hopefully not repeat them.

I have been married over twenty years, with many of the “normal” events of marriage shaping the adults we have become–moves, children, illness, job changes, pets, new hobbies,old hobbies, loss of friends and family, illness, planting a garden, choosing paint colors, buying a new car-a sofa-toilet paper, vacations, volunteering.

Sometimes I have absolutely no expectations, making it easy for Bob to succeed.  And sometimes the everyday distractions make it possible for us to succeed together.  Ever make a to-do list that’s impossible to complete in one day? One week?  A lifetime? A marriage to-do list never ends.  And to set sky-high expectations will only doom it daily.

From my friends I have learned to accept their offerings–a meal, a smile, a text, a phone call, a gift, a flower, a joke, a card–with grace and gratitude.

And from myself, as my abilities to do much have diminished since surgery, I have lowered my expectations for myself.  I have raised the expectations for my family to contribute more with the house cleaning, the shopping, the cooking, the laundry, the dogs.  Being forbidden to lift more than 10 lobs for a full 12 weeks has certainly reshaped my reality.

And tonight, my expectations for this blog post have dropped dramatically from what I envisioned while walking to what I have typed into this computer.

C

PS.  The morning after addendum on 1/12/11 is that I realize that this list of expectations could be much longer.  I have left off a myriad of people/organizations we have expectations for, who may or may not live up to them:  the President, local politicians, the mail lady, the next U2 concert I attend, the grocery store clerks, bus drivers,  the next episode of “Top Chef”.   The list goes on.

Another Chicago Weekend

Just another incredible Chicago weekend. In our everyday world (yeah, right)…..

a Friday morning working in the city

a quiet salad lunch, sitting in Millenium Park watching every color and shape of mankind jump into the fountains

a beautiful evening out with friends at the Toast of the Town wine tasting event at the Field Museum, rubbing shoulders with Vince Vaughn while re-filling my glass, munching on delicious sushi and lobster rolls

an unexpected limo ride back to a hotel bar

an early morning bike  ride along the wonderfully refurbished lakefront path, south to Hyde Park, resting on the beach talking to the on-duty Chicago Police

riding back north and inadvertently becoming part of the festive Puerto Rican Day parade–so much fun!

meeting the kids after their solo train ride, then a water taxi north

daughter pulled into the street-performer show, called out to a raucous audience

a ride on the Navy Pier ferris wheel, overlooking the city on the slow-moving spin

mass at Holy Name Catherdral

beer on the sidewalk, waiting at Pizzeria Due for our name to be called, eating-eating more then

hugs on the sidewalk, comforting drive home.

It would talk a strong argument to convince me that there is a better city to be in on a lakeside, sun-filled summer day than Chicago. Overflowing, stimulating, culture-blending, music-filled, history-alive, future-untold.   Fulfilling. Satisfying. C

Family Vacation #1

Now that the kids are 10, 12, 15, it’s so easy to remember the vacations when I had to pack everything including their suitcases, car seats, diapers, bottles, toys, and then have to listen to the unhappy screams that emanated from the back seat or–worse yet–the plane seats with kicking and tantrums, unable to move.

Now they can pack their own luggage with Ipods and laptops and legos and books and snacks. We let them help decide where we should spend the day, how we should spend our money (on clothes at the nearest university), where we should eat.  They have their new annoyances of car game hitting while watching cars–don’t get that at all, grunts, bouncing basketballs at all the wrong times, a little too much pop candy music, but they can at least keep themselves busy in the car or in the air for awhile. And they don’t kick the seats anymore.

But, it’s great to get off our tight schedule of sports and work and school, to catch up and laugh and play games and watch movies and talk, even if after several days we are ready for some time withOUT the kids, that time will come before we know it.  And the silence will be deafening. C

Drive-in on UP

Do you have childhood memories of going to the drive-in in your pajamas, sprawled in the back of the station wagon or atop the car, straining to listen to the tinny sound of the voice box (seeing Peter Pan comes clearly to mind)?  Or high school memories of cramming a dozen people in a car, possibly a few in the trunk, hiding beers in coolers, to run around the parking lot, probably annoying many other viewers, barely watching the film?  

We went with three other families to the drive-in last weekend and saw the new Pixar film UP, a chilly but clear night, the drive-in filled with cars of families and teens and friends.  Not too much had changed at the drive-in, other than my perspective, perhaps. Our kids were comfy in their sweats, some did fall asleep in the back of the SUV’s, bowls of homemade popcorn in their laps, chilled wine and beer aplenty for the drivers,  the film enjoyable with the sound slightly better on the car radio. 

What a wholesome, family-filled way to spend time, talking with friends, kids playing baseball before darkness sets, anticipation of a great movie, a party like atmosphere wafting about all the cars.  Our kids enjoy the experience, we get to catch up with friends, and we can all see a film together. C

My Life as a Sitcom, Episode 1

If this were a sitcom, no one would believe this to be realistic. But we laughed so hard, I know it happened to me. All 16 of my immediate family members are on vacation in lovely Oceanside CA, for my mom’s 70th birthday.  Oceanside is a large surf town, about 38 miles of San Diego, the outdoors much more beckoning in winter than Chicago.

To remember the occasion, we decided to hire a professional photographer to freeze our families at this moment in our lives.  Now, I was not sure why we needed to do this, as we have a number of competent photographers in the family, and the several times we have done this before the photos have been forced and unrealistic depictions of us.  There is a reason why I have NEVER taken my children for formal portraits; I enjoy my candids so much more.

In hindsight though, this might have been a good idea (though I won’t confirm until I see the final work), since we have too many art directors, too many opinions.  Letting John the photographer be in charge let everyone relax.

Anyway, no one could have imagined all the bizarre happenings that occurred literally 20 minutes before he arrived, and as he scouted shooting locations.

First, a near meltdown as the tie on my daughter Devon’s shirt–a simple buttercup yellow ribbon, fell off and I had to re-sew it when I should have been in the shower. Seemingly simultaneously, a lens in Ronan’s eyeglass popped out, and Bob spent 15 minutes trying to repair it.  Two workmen showed up to fix the hottub and toilet as we were headed  out, and someone had to show them which rooms needed repaired.  Two of the older girls went for a last minute snack and spilled a huge bowl of cut watermelon from the fridge onto the floor.  As we were laughing but hurrying to clean up, my sister in law Karen announced her 10 year old son Jackson was throwing up!  How long did she have to get him to the beach?

A trooper, Jackson recovered long enough to be carried to the beach and force a smile for an hour. Now the shirt is pinned, the glasses repaired, the toilet flushing, and the watermelon disposed of.  Hopefully we will be rewarded with some excellent photos, to remember the funny day (Jackson may not want to remember).

  More on vacation later. C

Merry Christmas!

Our priest at mass last night emphatically declared that “We are a merry Christmas people,” to a smattering of applause from parishioners.  And I agree that we are a “merry Christmas” family–in beliefs and thoughts yes, but in spirit as well.

We spent Christmas Eve day in a snowstorm morning, running errands and preparing for our Christmas day.  This is the first year we have ever had a party of five, no family here-no friends-still in pajamas for the evening film of Indiana Jones #4, opened this morning. It was a strange beginning  for us once the gifts were open,  but I eventually realized it has been nearly never since we all sat at home all day, no where to run to, no sports, no chores.  And we loved doing our thing–putting together legos (only 1000 pieces for the 8 year old), setting up the ipod, playing Pictionary/Connect Four/Scrabble and watching films.  An unspoken,  unwrapped gift for us all.

During this holiday season, may you and your family enjoy a quiet family moment, appreciate the beauty around you–be it falling snow or rain or sun–, hug your pet, share with those not as fortunate, explore somewhere new in your town and love most moments with your extended family.

A toast of excellent St. Francis Zin to you, and the merriest of Christmas (or holiday season)  to all my friends and family.  I have thought of many of you today.  Enjoy this needed break for all.  C

A Wonderful Cliche

Thanksgiving is such a relaxing holiday to enjoy once all the shopping, cooking, and travelling is complete. There are no expectations of gifts or glory, just a time to spend with family, friends, watching or playing football, eating, drinking wine, catching up on days gone by, more eating, and walking some of that extra food off.

Even as the world around us is full of dire news about the economy and our country, there are so many things I am thankful for this year: my three incredible children, a husband who supports all the many tasks and jobs and ideas that fill and escape my brain, a family that stretches from New Jersey to Oregon who will jump to help when we are in need, fun-trusting-caring-sometimes wild friends from New York to California to fill my home and in-box and mailbox with hope and (sometimes) tears and are willing to join us on this journey of life, steady jobs, hobbies that fill my free time and give me opportunities to expand my soul, all the volunteer work done this year, no more children in car seats and diapers on six hour drives to Michigan, dogs to hug and horses to let me feel free, a sun that breaks through winter grayness, an unexpected phone call, a Caribbean cruise, a stolen moment to write, a photography class.

And Thanksgiving brings me hope for renewal, for a better world, that we may find peace in 2009, that we may breathe and loosen our wallets as the economy improves, that the press will BE QUIET, that our soldiers might come home, that the Christmas season can continue a feeling of sharing and giving and hope.

Happy Thanksgiving to all my family, my friends, my colleagues, my neighbors, my readers. May you find your stolen moment of quiet this weekend to do what you most love. C

“I will never….”

Ah, the self righteousness of the inexperienced and the innocents.  From the mouths of blatherers both well-intended and inspired and in the unspoken words but obvious body gestures come the thoughts of those who have yet-to-experience certain phases of life.  Parenthood, I’m thinking about specifically, right now.

We all know them, and we have been them ourselves, whether we admit it or shake our heads no.  My friends and I sometimes joke now about never saying “I will never…” since it might come to pass that “I will… ” in fact do what I pinky swore not to do.

There are the things people say before having children like “I will never take drugs during childbirth-give my baby formula-lose my temper with my child-use disposable diapers-let my child run my life-stop staying out until 3 am (well, that one might be true…)-put my child in daycare-be a stay at home mom-work outside the home”.

When you hold that tiny infant, hope to protect it from all the evils and bad influences that surround him or her, you don’t remember all those “I will nevers” as you manage to get through each day, perhaps adding another child or puppy or lizard to this mix.  Watching friends and strangers in the world, thoughts then become “I will never buy my boy a toy gun (but then realize that boys turn ANYTHING into a weapon)-let my child get really hurt in the playground-use the TV as a baby-sitter-let my child have a sleepover until he/she is 10-feed my kid chicken nuggets and other beige food several times a week-let my child wear designer clothes-walk to the bus themselves.”

The list gets longer as the children get older.  “I will never let my son play tackle football-spend a fortune in time and money on travel sports-be as involved in their school as my mom was-let them be too busy-nag them-when they are teenagers, let them go to the mall/amusement park/Chicago/movies with no adults-ride a car with a 16 year old driver-ride their bikes on sidewalkless busy roads-yell at my child-worry enough to check their text messages.”

How many of your “I nevers” have you done?  In hindsight, I will try to abstain from the “I nevers” since life is so unpredictable. The list I would have for when my eldest turns 16 would be sickeningly long.  I do know that I will never knowingly let my kids host a party that involves alcohol while they are underage, and after seeing my neighbor’s daughter go out recently I will never let my daughters go out in THAT dress. 

And I hope I will never have a blue grey curly perm when I am in my 70′s.  But no promises. C