Under Pressure–Parents and Children Today

Carl Honoré’s new book Under Pressure should be required reading for all new parents. It is full of practical, real world advice for parents today trying to maneuver through political, competitive, consumer-oriented terrain with differing advice from a variety of “professionals” with questionable backgrounds to be dispensing nuggets to bewildered and sometimes overwhelmed parents.

A parent himself, Honoré has dealt with many the issues he discusses, but he brings true examples from around the globe to state his case about how easing off can postively impact our families. He also looks at an enormous amount of research in parenting, childrearing, sports, education, competition, and a variety of other areas.  The subtitle of his book Rescuing our Children from the Culture of Hyperparenting brings a similar Slowing down focus as his previous book In Praise of Slowness (see 23 June 08 blog post for more on this book).

Each chapter tackles a different subject facing families today: early years, toys, technology, education, extracurricular activities, sports, discipline, consumerism, and safety. It seemed such a natural flow from one chapter leading to the next.   I was also fascinated  with  the amount of history he brought to life, discussing the evolution of his subjects from homework to health and sports. 

Under Pressure is not anti-parenting or anti-technology or anti-education, it simply gives a fresh look at many of the issues I face on a regular basis.  I was surprised how different some cultures (US to Japan to Korea to Finland) view education, competition, and extra-curricular activites but how similar families worldwide are trying to change child-rearing practices and parental involvement today.

I found most of the information in the book common sense, rather than earth shattering, but I see nothing wrong with looking at things from a fresh perspective.   I am glad that Honoré didn’t try to set out a model for us to follow, as we all have different family dynamics, finances, belief systems and educational issues, but laid things out for us to make the right decisions for our families. 

I agree with the what I think is main tenet of the book–for our children to succeed, we need to let them be children longer, let them develop and explore their passions by giving them freedom to play, and to let them make some mistakes along the way. Hopefully this will allow them to grow into creative-thinking, happy, adjusted adults with a variety of interests. 

Sounds so simple, doesn’t it?  And summer seems like the perfect time to let them PLAY. C

Comments from the author Carl Honoré, from his blog 13 July 08

Thanks for your very generous words, Cindy. It’s interesting that you mention the title. To be honest, I’ve never liked it – it was the publishers who made me do it! I feel the title is too negative, when the book is actually meant to be upbeat and hopeful, to make everyone feel less anxious and clenched about children. I especially dislike the sub-title because it uses the phrase “hyper-parenting.” To me, it sounds like the book is demonizing parents when the opposite is true. Childhood is the way it is today because our whole culture has shifted, and often parents just get swept along in the flow. Schools, advertisers, politicians, bureaucrats, doctors, sports coaches – so many other people beyond parents have a hand in shaping our children’s lives. Anyway, that’s my little rant for the day…Maybe the sub-title will get changed in the paperback edition…

 

Slowing Down

So many of us move at breakneck pace through life, trying to cram in so much we can’t absorb the smell of lilac or gentle touch of a child or our lover in our frenetic paces. Many of my friends are consciously trying to Slow down,  teaching our families to move slower in the languid summer months to recooperate from the stress-filled school year.  Hopefully some Slow living can still exist into the fall.

Carl Honoré’s book In Praise of Slowness, now four years old, made me think about my life as I read though it. Honore was one of the more entertaining speakers we saw at the Printer’s Row Book Fair earlier this month, (6/8/08 posting), so I read his first book waiting for my local library to have a copy of his new book  Under Pressure available.

Broken into succinct chapters, In Praise of Slowness talks about bringing Slowness into different areas of our lives: cities, education, food, mind/body, work, sex, leisure, and children.  He uses research and stories about how people were able to improve their lives by Slowing down–while not eschewing the technologies that we daily use. 

We already try to incorporate some of his ideas into our daily lives;  one of the most together and focused times we have are the days we can have a family-meal.  We try to do this 4-5 nights at week, and it’s when we talk about our day and discuss the next day’s plans/schedules. It’s much easier during the summer months to do this.

A well-thought out approach to slowing-down many aspects of our lives, he brings anecdotes from people and organizations worldwide to show how speed is impacting all of us.  If we can teach ourselves to Slow down in one area, that Slowness might  flow into other areas of our lives. I personally do not want to Slow down as much as some people in his book, but I have become more aware of my driving speed, our eating habits, and my children’s actitives since reading his book.

I want to ask Honoré if he rides horses.  It’s the natural instinct when approaching a jump in a course to speed up, lean forward, and charge at it, which will only help launch us over the horse’s head.  My trainer has said on number of occasions:  “Wait for it. Wait for it” even while picking up a little pace and “Don’t jump ahead of the horse” as I approach the jump.   My nerves settle and the jump is smooth and comfortable, not hurried and sloppy, so I can concentrate and ride to the next jump.

Whether there truly is a global “movement” to Slow down–though there are certainly organizations that espouse Slowing down– I can’t answer, but I hope to infuse a little Slowness in my family’s existence this summer.  In between work and chauffering and meal preparation and spending time with my kids and reading my book and exercise and writing and taking photos,  I think I can squeeze Slowness in.  (ha) C

6/24: In response to my blog, Carl Honoré had this to say in an email about his link to horses:

Love(d) you blog. I used to ride a bit when I was a child and I remember that feeling of having to slow down to the horse’s rhythm, or at least not try to force it. T(ha)t is one of the nice things about animals – they know their tempo giusto and they’re sticking to it.