Egging Stinks!

Open letter to the Hoodlums who egged my house last weekend:

Thanks. For stealing the trust I have being in my home, in my neighborhood, in my kids’ friends who are always stopping by, sharing our food, playing games, chatting.

Thanks. For stealing the only 90 minutes I had to myself the entire weekend, when I planned to winterize my garden.

Thanks. Not. For trashing my home.

I am sure you thought it was funny, when you were throwing eggs onto my windows, my roof, my front porch, the “Halloween ghoul” sitting outside the front door.  While I appreciate a good joke, please know that THROWING EGGS AT A HOUSE IS VANDALISM, NOT A JOKE.

Have you ever tried to scrub off hardened egg streaming down the side of your front door?   Used a putty knife to scrape yolk above your head?  Picked up broken shells scattered around the yard before the dogs eat them? Seen that over half the egg drippings are now congealed above where I can reach them, even on a ladder?

Once the eggs solidify, they are extremely difficult to remove.  They cannot be wiped away, hosed off, left for the rain.  It takes a LOT of energy to expunge the hardened materials from the house.  If we leave them to the elements, they will stain and ruin the cedar, smell, and leave ugly stains.And smell. 

And I am sure you didn’t know—or care—what was happening in our world, our family, our house when you trespassed onto my yard and whipped those eggs around.  I was already overstressed and exhausted from a week of working, running the household, spending 12 hours at a soccer tournament—all while my husband was spending the week with his mom who had surgery and aging father.

Grow up.  If you are bored of your suburban lives, I can show you many kids who live relatively close who would trade places with you for your cars, your freedom, your money, your movie theaters, your bowling alleys, your game systems, your parties, your safety, your opportunities.  And if you want something to fill your days, come by and pull plants from my garden.  The ones I didn’t get to haul out while cleaning up your giant mess.

Thanks again. Brats. 

Cindy, the homeowner

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One thought on “Egging Stinks!

  1. Papa

    i repeat it’s a good thing Papa and Dave and Steve were not there to rudely insert the eggs in the assholes of the assholes that victimized you!

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