More than Muscle Memory

I am back in the saddle, literally. And damn, it feels great.

It’s been a couple years since I rode horses regularly.  Work, family, my health, finances—ahh, life– all contributed to keeping me out of the barn.

But, I woke too many mornings during this no-horse phase, wishing I was riding. And I kept practicing my two-point position on my bike. Clearly, I wasn’t through with a hobby (an addiction?) I had practiced most of my adult life.

Why is it that some girls never outgrow their love-of-horses-phase-of-life?

After 4 lessons in two weeks, I am in. 100%.

Barn basics quickly came back: brushing, tacking, mounting, handling, riding (walk-trot-canter-low jumps) and yes, a little nerves. As my trainer J says, the muscle memory was still there. And in each lesson, that memory and confidence was a bit stronger. I certainly couldn’t pick up a brand new sport this quickly.

After several visits, I realize it is more than the horses, the lift I get from riding that brought me back. I think I also relished going back to a familiar place for the mental memories I have of the barn, the people, the friends I have made. I feel welcome, like it’s been days since I have been there, not a year.

Resuming riding is also a short reminder of cliché’s—life is short, time goes fast, etc etc.

If there is something you love to do, DO IT. If you want to try something new, make the time now for yourself, your interests, yourself. The joy it might bring is worth it.

The journey continues.

C

My Book Club Basics, 1 of 3

Display from the Printer’s Row Book Fair, Chicago

To answer the most frequently asked question first—Yes, we discuss the books in our monthly meetings! We do not just drink wine.

I am honored to have been part of our book club since its inception in 2003! Our first book was A Million Little Pieces by James Frey, shortly before it was debunked as a fraudulent biography. Ironically, there was a lot of discussion at our initial meeting about which parts of that book seemed fake (and later, how easy it should have been for Oprah’s team to research the story before catapulting it to stardom).

In 14 years, we have welcomed new friends to our group, had our dear friend Janaki move, seen births, deaths, kids grow through school and beyond, job changes, and illnesses. I personally have enjoyed books and genres I never would have chosen and found some authors I now covet—Lianne Moriarity, Fredrik Backman, Kristin Hannah.  In our discussions and debates, I still learn about my friends’ histories, dreams, passions, losses.

My friend Theresa, who launched our book club, says that she is very proud of our club’s longevity as a no judgment book club. If you only read the back page but want to listen to the discussion….come on in. Only read one book a year and come only twice a year…we will be happy to see you. Listen on Audible at double-time speed…more credit to you.

People often ask me for reading suggestions. This can be a baited question, since there are so many types of books. Do you like novels, chick lit, romance, biographies, non-fiction, science fiction, history? If for a book club, will you read recently released books? Or only ones that are available at the local library?

For several book ideas now, here is the list of books that our book club read in 2016, and the start of 2017, in the order that we read them:

Inside the O’Briens by Lisa Genova
A Man Called Ove by Fredrik Backman
The Martian by Andy Weir
The Life We Bury by Allen Eskens
The Memory Box by Eva Lesko Natiello
Whiskey & Charlie by Annabel Smith
The Wedding Pearl by Carolyn Brown
Before the Fall by Noah Hawle
My Grandmother Forgot to Tell You She’s Sorry by Fredrik Backman
Love Warrior by Glennon Doyle Melton
The Christmas Box by Richard Paul Evans
11/22/63 by Stephen King

My personal favorites from this list were My Grandmother Forgot to Tell You She’s Sorry, A Man Called Ove,11/22/63, and Whiskey & Charlie. 

If you want to start a book club, it just takes a little time and a few friends. There are many options to best set up and run your club, choose your books,etc.  My next post will address these topics.

Books and Bucket Lists

Reading. Friends. Cocktails. Discussion. Learning. Debate. Snacks. Laughter. Maybe One.More.Drink.

I so look forward to my monthly neighborhood book club meetings. While our families joke that we do not actually discuss our varied selections, we do!   The amount we talk about the book may be proportionate to how relatable (or debatable) the book is, whether there is a difference of opinion about the quality of the characters-plot-writing, and if the host has good discussion questions.

Through others reading choices I have discovered authors and books I never would have picked up, lived vicariously through a variety of eras and locations, expanded my life views, made new friends, and become a better writer.

Sometimes we even have homework assignments.

For our last book club we were asked to bring our bucket list of 5 things we wanted to do, typed and unsigned. We then tried to guess who wrote out each sheet.   (this “homework” went along with our discussion, nameless but light romantic fluff).

It was eye-opening to see how similar some of the items were on our lists: a lot of travel, learning new skills like writing and knitting, re-learning old hobbies, more travel, and spending more time with our families.

We will continue to share, learn, cry, discuss life in each meeting. Hopefully grow individually and as a group. And prop each other up outside our ongoing gatherings.

And my bucket list, in case you are interested:

• Travel to Iceland and Australia.
• Research family history to learn my mom’s family when/why they came to US.
• Do travel and photo exploration of large swath of Route 66. (maybe Sante Fe to Flagstaff or CA).
• Write a novel.
• Sky dive.

What is on your list? (bucket or reading)

C

Goal: Increasing the Fun Level

This past weekend my goal was to do at least one fun, unexpected thing each day. Mission accomplished. It is too easy to fill free hours with errands, busywork, chores.   Recent life events made me realize that I need to grab a hold of my time when I can, not let my life slip away.  Some weekends are scheduled from start to finish, some productive, but hopefully there is some time to explore, enjoy.

I spent an evening socializing with friends, saw Bad Moms with a neighbor (very funny, from someone who endured the PTO Primadonnas), gardened, walked my dogs, went out to eat.

One of the highlights was biking in the Lake County Forest Preserve. It was a gorgeous morning and so reminded me of my childhood. Eight friends on bikes, riding for miles while laughing, reminiscing, planning, joking, only one getting lost for a brief few minutes. No real schedule, no set plans, other than to enjoy our morning, leaving all responsibilities behind.

 

Springhill Farms

 

Can you spot the 3 sandhill cranes?   

And the weekend is upon us again. So I shall set the same goal—do one spontaneous thing each day. Try it.  And let me know what new experiences you have!

C

Just Show Up

Who Shows Up? and when? It is easy to show support during joyous times. It can be far more stressful –and sometimes uncomfortable–to be available in times of crisis, confusion, or death. There are some people who you expect to Show Up during those latter times; others shock you when they reach out. Those few especially make you glance outward from your grief, realizing that circle of people you hold close is wider than you think.

It’s been a month since my dad passed away. I am still amazed at who I have heard from—and who has remained invisible– the last difficult months. Every word and action has truly made an impact on me:  a short text or phone call, stacks of cards (some from people I didn’t even know were aware my dad was gone), delivering food for us, sending flowers, reaching out a hand or hug, giving a gift card for a meal, driving people to the airport, sharing some wine, a kind word, an impactful memory, traveling to see us.

There have been foggy days and sleepless nights, my brain running in the opposite direction from where my focus needs to be.   So those gestures can jolt me back to today, now.

It is okay to feel uncomfortable when acknowledging your sentiments to me. Stumble, if you need to. You may be articulating your feelings for the first time, while I have been addressing mine for many, many hours already. Whether you express yourself with grace, anger, grief, humor, surprise, tears, hope or couched in your own experiences of someone close to you dying, it means so much when people share.

So Just. Show. Up. I know I will be more conscious of Being There in the future, during those times of mourning. Sadly, I can relate.

C

A Familiar College Visit

Can you go back? To college, that is.

I loved college. My daughter Tara is now a junior at my alma mater, University of Dayton; my other daughter Devon is going to attend UD in the fall. I feel lucky to often visit this school that offered me so many opportunities, helped shape my adult life, and introduced me to some still-amazing friends.

my UD graduation with my grandmother and parents.

UD has expanded, is way classier looking, has more fields of study, new restaurants to enjoy, but the heart of the school is the same . The upperclassmen housing area, the UD Ghetto*, is overflowing with students on porches and yards enjoying the first gorgeous summer-like weekend this year. The university still seems the happiest place on Earth. Sorry, Disney.

When I was a student, I never once had a thought that one –let alone two–of my kids could be living and studying here, drinking at the same bars, hanging out in the same houses did.  Kinda crazy, in retrospect. Every time I am on campus, I remember so much of my time as a UD Flyer. But as I walk through the Ghetto today, I feel like a …. mom.

It is this generation’s turn to experience college, make friends, find love, join new clubs, travel to new cities or countries, stay up too late, change loves and friends, sleep until noon then study until 2 am.

They will stress about  class projects and exams, life after college, money, health, jobs, fitting in, discovering who they are, and suddenly–what they thought they wanted to study, they don’t. That’s OK. Hopefully your advisors can help you change majors or classes. The emotional turmoil is part of the college experience. Know that these are some of the first adult decisions that you will make—and even after you leave school, many of you will change careers, change friends, move to new cities, have kids.

So, as I walk through the Ghetto with my daughter and a few other moms, I look with envy at these joyous, welcoming, sassy, smart, silly students and hope that you find your way. Experience all you can during these years—you won’t regret it.

This weekend I will enjoy real conversation with Tara, the school sponsored 70’s themed block party, a few Ghetto gatherings, the infamous Timothy’s, running through the campus, the book store, then head home back to my daily life.

Until next time, when I will enjoy this campus again. Feeling like a … proud mom and UD alumni.

C

*term is UD politically incorrect, but student –and-alumni- correct. I know the school wants to eliminate that name but it’s been there since the 1960’s. Sorry admin.

Girlfriends

Letter to my Daughters,

Of the many people you meet in life, some are with you for a moment, a day, a week, a year, a lifetime. Some barely touch your boundaries, others learn your heart, guess your secrets, know your emotions even when they are hiding. And there are many in-between layers, which will fluctuate over time.

Hold onto those girlfriends—you learn who they are as your foundation grows and life circumstances change—with all you can. They are the ones who

Make you laugh out loud. Most important.
Tell you when you look amazing (always, of course) and when asked, tell you not to buy that outfit.
Whether you speak daily or once a year, the conversation flows with no sense of separation.
Hand you Kleenex when you cry, hold your hair on nights you are unwell.
Know your history and dreams, your crushes, your dashed hopes.
Feel like an extension of you. Your family.
Know that sometimes silence is what you crave, a quiet touch.
Listen intently, sometimes offer opinions even when opposite yours,
but don’t force you to think their viewpoint is the only correct one.
They will be there when your romantic relationships fail—so don’t shut them out when you are flying,
Tell you unwanted truths about you, your partner, your children
If you are willing to hear them,
Reach out when you are in need, sometimes unexpectedly,
Share new hobbies, books, card games, films, or restaurants with you,
Explore your neighborhood or travel across the world with you,
stand up for you when you others gossip,
hold onto your secrets forever,
accept when you do not want to share,
let you vanish inside your world–for a little while
wish you joy.

Invest your time and truths with girls you can learn from, laugh with, cry with, yell at, eat and drink with, share with, listen to, forgive, accept. Just Be. Yourself.

On a truly lousy day, I often don’t want to bother anyone with the myriad of stresses crowding my brain. I know I have these girlfriends that I CAN call them if I want to talk; that alone can give me some peace.

Reach out to them. Help them. Thank them. Love them. Laugh with them and sometimes at them. Agree with them. Challenge them. Respect them. Nurture them.Trust them.

Know that some of those friendships will wane, some surprising ones will last decades. But hold onto those winners. You won’t regret it.

Love,

Your Mama

Impacts on Essence

The solo person at the party, shyly eyeing the crowd, do you approach him or her to say “welcome”? That guy on the treadmill several times a week near you, do you give him a smile? How will they reply (that stressful thought!)?

You think you have nothing to offer? EVERYONE has a story to tell—in conversation, in pictures, in words, in a painting, in a glance, in a sculpture, in our relationships, in our travel, in our décor,  in our attire, in our choice of car (or lack there of). And one thing that can help keep our story interesting is interactions with people, and the bonds we keep and transition to and from.

We hear of champions and victims who had that ONE THING that defined their quest, their journey, their essence, their cause.

For most people,  I think how they choose to show the world is the culmination of all the individual and intertwined moments we experience each day that creates our being. A scowl, a goal scored, a missed turn, a stretch, an illicit touch, a wandering eye, a smile, a death, a birth, a puppy to love, a dance, a joke, a journey, a burn, a bad haircut, a first job, the behavior of others, a fishing pole, a slap, a cigarette, a lie, a truth, a roller coaster, that first sip of alcohol, reactions to dreams, a love, a loss, a magic trick, a book read in a corner, a film, a lost friend, an unexpected ally, rainbow, a seashell, a moonlit stroll, a simple meal , a violin solo, a high five, a tomato fresh from the garden.

As many negative things that happen to us impact us as the positive encounters. Be the person who grabs that moment to smile, not be snide. Crack open possibilities, don’t rush past unseeing. You might find one of those positive moments to shape someone else’s persona—or your own, not destroy it.

C

P.S.  I am already enjoying “meeting” so many fellow bloggers as I pursue my writing for 10 minutes a day in 2016, posting on here and my business blog more frequently.  You keep me inspired me in one short week to keep writing and taking pictures!  So, thanks for your positive vibes.

Some Trips are Worth Repeating

Sometimes a brief getaway with friends is exactly what you need to restore your center, step outside your routine, push your worries to the recesses of your mind, free your spirit.  We recently spent the weekend with a group of friends in MI–two years in a row of glorious weather, biking, fire pits, cooking, laughing over morning coffee, sharing wine, lunch at a local and super-friendly bar, strolling the beach, picking berries, talking, laughing, reading, spending a moment alone.  And a surprise boat ride with new friends at sunset, along the shoreline.

Different experiences from last year, but the same warm memories.

driftwood

 

walking and talking

A lunch destination. Cheap, local, welcoming, fun.

 

Sunset on Lake Michigan

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

For some pictures from last year’s adventure, visit this post.  C

Class Cliques Conquered

“Time is the great equalizer,” one of my former high school classmates stated, as we gazed around the crowded bar during our 30th high school reunion last weekend (really? can I be that old?)

“So true,”I replied, watching people mix freely. Some who barely knew each other talking like old friends, others sharing remembrances with their long-time pals.

I was hesitant to go to my reunion, but I knew a group of people I see regularly was going to be there.  I figured I could just spend the evening with my current friends if the night was a bust….and I didn’t get to say more than “hi” to many of them.  I was too busy spending time with people I went to elementary school with, and chatted with some high school acquaintances I haven’t seen since graduation day.

Frankly, many of the girls looked fantastic, with a few surgical “enhancements,”  We had friends uncomfortable with coming who are currently unhappy with their appearance, but no one cared once they walked through the door.  Your energy is so much more important than the package it comes in.

There were people I swear I never saw in high schools (class of 500+), people I had not spoken with since elementary school, a couple frankly creepy guys I still avoided last weekend. People flowed freely, all barriers and cliques fallen with time. I was thankful our name tages included our high school photos, since that truly help me recognize a couple faces.

I think of the daily stresses my kids face daily in their high school routines, the social, media, administrative pressures, the sometimes-rigid cliques. Though it is stressful for them, I wish they could see how those invisible and sometime self-imposed walls disappear over time.  I learned surprisingly uplifting thoughts people and shared hilarious stories from both the elementary and high school days.

Donna, I could surround myself in your calm, embracing aura.  Lori, your infectious spirit is inspiring, Maureen, a positive cancer survivor.  Tim and Robert,  you simply kept me laughing.  and Mike and Nancy, how many stories from second through sixth grade could we share?

There were people who we missed at the event–Jim, Marla, Norman, Lisa, Dave to name a few.  And a few close friends no longer alive, to remind us of our mortality–Tim, Bill, Matt, Bob.

It ended up a casual, fun evening that certainly exceeded my expectations.  And I think made us all think a little differently about some of our former classmates, our former youthful selves. I am glad I attended, despite my reservations. C